I'm the one with the long red hair and bangs to the left of the picture. That young girl was fearless. She knew who she was and lived in a way that reflected that knowing. I'm currently in the process of sharing her stories in the book.
Sometimes I feel like I never left that stage of my life. It was a time when all was still right with my world. My writing reflects that. Not in the way that the stories are about everything being right with the world but in the way that when I read back what I've written I'm fairly certain an 8 year old wrote it. It makes me feel frustrated, ashamed, and incapable. I know I can write this damn book, but I don't want to publish something at 46 that could have been written by an 8 year old. I want to scream, shout, punch something (like a child...). I want to be able to reach in to my brain and swirl it around so that I force my 46 year old self to show up at the keyboard instead of 8 year old me. These are the moments when I want to give up. I want to give in. "maybe I wasn't meant to write a book" "it's too hard" "I don't have the capability" "I'm not even interested in reading it, why would anyone else?" My book coach has said from the very beginning that every writer is completely transformed by their book no matter what the subject. I will continue to write as the 8 year old if need be until my 46 year old self shows up because I know she will. 8 year old me just has wants her time now and I will let her have it. I will guide her and mentor her until she is ready to let go of the reigns. Nothing will stop me from completing this book and showing that 8 year old self what magnificence we are capable of creating. She believed in me back then and I believe in her now. Writing is hard y'all.
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AuthorMelinda Lee is a mom of two adolescent boys, a devout student of all things spiritual, a recovering perfectionist, and immensely fascinated with achieving the unachievable. Currently writing a memoir about hugging strangers. Archives
February 2023
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