In rereading my blog posts from My Year of Hugs I noticed a regular theme. Over and over again I said something similar to what I said on Monday, June 13, 2011. It was day 62 of that year. "I was frantically thinking about what I could write about tonight. (for the blog) Surprise, surprise... once again for the 62nd time the universe provided." Over and over again I was given concrete proof that the universe would always provide for me especially when I allowed myself to surrender to their ways. You would think that 365 days of proof would be enough for me to want to live my entire life that way. Full of ease and trust that the universe will always provide. Yet, my controlling ways always prevailed. Like somehow I would magically find a way to create a life better than the one the universe could provide. Over a week ago, I was proved oh so very wrong. While out camping with our boys, my friend and I made a terrible decision to enjoy the canoe out on a frigid lake during high winds, with no life jackets. Needless to say, we capsized out in the middle of the lake. Unable to swim toward the shore because the wind kicked the water repeatedly up in our faces, we were forced on our backs to try to make our way there; the threat of hypothermia a real possibility. I gave everything I had to ensure I would reach the shore as fast as possible. After a few moments I took the opportunity to discover how close I was getting only to find I was headed back toward the middle of the lake. Cursing myself, I turned back toward the shore and stopped trying to steer with my arms, but continued to kick violently with my legs, in an effort to remain warm and again to get myself there as quick as possible. After a few more moments I looked to see how close I had gotten and while I was still headed in the right direction, it was taking much longer than I expected. I knew I had only one thing left to do. Staring up at the sky, I took a deep breath while continuing to kick less frantically. In my surrender, I prayed for the Universe to take control. I admitted that I couldn't get myself safely to shore and asked the Universe to intervene and guide me there. Seconds later, thinking I heard voices, I turned back around and saw my friend safely ashore and realized I could probably stand at that point. Less than 20 minutes later I was back in the cabin wrapped in warm, dry clothes, a bazillion blankets, and my youngest rubbing my arms for added warmth. The Universe once again proved their ability to create ease and let me know that I could trust putting my entire life in their hands. I have recognized that this is the reason I am struggling with my memoir. I keep trying to make it something I want it to be as opposed to something that is aligned with what the Universe knows to be the greatest outcome, for myself, for my family, for you - my reader, and for the good of all. So I surrender. I have glimpses and ideas of how it will now look but with my human self no longer at the helm, I am terrified. Come on, you didn't expect that I would just all of a sudden be ok with letting go of control, did you? I know it's going to be a practice, of recognizing my controlling ways and slowly letting myself trust more and more. I may be terrified, but with no obvious threat of death that I am aware of, I'm kind of excited to dip my toes in these waters. **Physically, my friend and I are 100% healthy and were back to our antics by the end of the day; on solid ground, of course.**
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AuthorMelinda Lee is a mom of two adolescent boys, a devout student of all things spiritual, a recovering perfectionist, and immensely fascinated with achieving the unachievable. Currently writing a memoir about hugging strangers. Archives
February 2023
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