After nearly eight months of writing this memoir, I feel like I am finally hitting a stride where words are flowing easier. I have not gone back to reread any of these words yet because I'm terrified they are as shitty as I think they are. And, even if they are that's ok.
It has taken me lots of time and frustration to accept that this too is the process of writing. That got me thinking about why, even when things didn't go my way, I kept hugging and pressing forward throughout both hug journeys. It was never about the accomplishment of completing them. It was about the every day moments when I got to live in someone else's experience, revel in the beauty of humanity, and prove the very thing I had known all along. People are good, kind and simply want to love and be loved. Up until recently, I had been writing mostly about myself. While I do my best to look for the good in everyone else, I primarily look for my faults. Every day I was living in my own experience, doubting my humanity and judging myself harshly. That's not the way this story turns out. In the end, I discovered my own beauty, I discovered that I am good, kind, and simply want to love and be loved. So, it was frustrating to see something other than my own beautiful humanity unfold on the page. That was when I knew I had to scrap what I was writing (I didn't scrap it, it's sitting in a folder on my laptop waiting for a day it may become useful) and shift into the place where I discovered my own beauty. It was in every hug. It was in every human interaction. It was in my acceptance of others. It was in the joy of the journey. Looking back on My Year of Hugs, often I had to remind myself it wasn't about me. It was about the connection, the love, the hugs. That's what is making writing not only bearable again, but fun. I just forgot to remind myself it's not about me. It's about the process, the unfolding, the jewels hidden throughout the journey that are longing to be discovered. What keeps me going is remembering that the frustrations, limitations, and doubt are the very things that contribute to the overall feeling of success and accomplishment at the end. The more challenges I walk through, the better it feels when I can utter the words with tears in my eyes... I did that.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorMelinda Lee is a mom of two adolescent boys, a devout student of all things spiritual, a recovering perfectionist, and immensely fascinated with achieving the unachievable. Currently writing a memoir about hugging strangers. Archives
February 2023
Categories |