One of the biggest challenges I face in writing my memoir is not wanting to hurt anyone. I know, I know, I hear you... "but Melinda, you are writing about hugs - how could you possibly be hurting anyone?"
I am writing about hugs, but I'm also more importantly writing about my experiences throughout my two hug journeys (a year of hugging strangers and a cross country trip relying on the kindness of strangers to give me a place to stay and food). In other words, I'm writing about being human. Being human is beautiful, vulnerable, and messy. So, yeah, I have reservations about what to share and how I share it. This week was a perfect example. I am rewriting (for like the third time) my experience of staying with a single man in Utah with Tourettes (a condition of the nervous system that causes sudden repeated twitches or outbursts). Our time together was raw and vulnerable for both of us. There were a lot of vulnerabilities that I didn't share with him though. Questions I had about the appropriateness of staying with him, questions about a potential mutual attraction despite my married status, questions about the lack of spices in the meal he prepared for me (I mean, I'm a believer that salt is a mandatory enhancer of all dishes) He is such a beautiful, sensitive soul and the last thing I want is to hurt him. What I've come to realize this week as I was rewriting our experience together is that I haven't given him nearly enough credit for all he's endured. Who do I think I am that he couldn't and wouldn't rebound from words that I publicly share? Words that I have so carefully curated in my attempt to give us both dignity and grace. Also, in complete transparency, it's probably less about wanting to hurt him and more about wanting to control how I am perceived by him and others. I mean, when it comes down to it, my fear of hurting people's feelings is a bit self-important don't you think? To think that people hold my words with so much weight as to harm their own self-worth? Wow. When I look at it that way I am embarrassed I ever even held that fear. But, I learned at a very young age to always put others ahead of myself. To not say anything that might hurt another. I have practiced these lessons for so long it's going to take more than recognizing my own self-importance to release them altogether. So, as with everything else, it's a practice. With each draft I'll write a little more and a little more. I'm nearly certain that by the time my book comes out, it still won't be everything I would've wanted to say, but it will be most of it. Writing a memoir is the single most humbling thing I have ever done.
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AuthorMelinda Lee is a mom of two adolescent boys, a devout student of all things spiritual, a recovering perfectionist, and immensely fascinated with achieving the unachievable. Currently writing a memoir about hugging strangers. Archives
February 2023
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