So many times throughout MYOH (my year of hugs), I thought about setting up shop on a street corner or at a local event sharing hugs with all the strangers that walked by. I had seen photos and videos of the Free Hug movement. I witnessed the images of the smiles, laughter, connection and love flowing freely at these events.
At one point I even called a mall to ask for permission to set up shop there. I was denied. They said there was no soliciting allowed. No matter how often I tried telling her I wasn't soliciting, I was simply wanting to share love, the answer was always no. I took it hard. I gave up. I also struggled with 'commercializing', 'capitalizing', minimizing this beautiful moment I found myself creating with perfect strangers. I was afraid that if the people I was hugging knew it was for anything but the hug itself, it would take away from the magic of the moment. Filming the moment in any capacity speaks volumes. "I'm not here for you. I am here for me." "I can't wait to show off what a good person I am." "Come hug me so I can share with others how good I am." "Let me make this moment public. I want people to like me." Yet, something was still tugging at me, wanting to experience what setting up a hug shop would feel like. What it would be like. Perhaps I was allowing my own insecurities to get in the way? When Mark Abrams, founder of Spread the Hug, posted that he planned on setting up a hug shop at the Roswell Arts Festival a few weekends ago, I jumped all over it. We had never met in person but were connected through a friend during my cross country hug journey in 2019. Not having to organize the event took just enough pressure off of me to say yes to the experience. Nerves raced through my body as I approached Mark and his crew (including some amazingly talented musicians who provided soothing ambience). It had been more than the two covid years since I had requested a hug from a stranger. I was out of practice, but I dove right in. It was fascinating to witness and feel the difference between these performative hugs and the very private ones I experienced in 2011. There were so many more people willing to say no or avert their eyes altogether than when I asked a person face to face. At the same time, the energy was also more electric, more vibrant regardless of whether hugs were taking place or not. I did feel all of those old thoughts creep back in; would people think we were only there for us? Did they fully understand and receive the love we wanted to share with them? At moments I felt dirty, like I was using people to further my own ambitions of being liked, appreciated, heck even for selling more books of my hug journeys. After allowing all of the negative thoughts and feelings have their say, I sat with what else I experienced that day. I experienced joy, love, connection. I witnessed the same and more. One of my favorite moments came when a mother and her teenage daughter were walking by. There were three of us with signs requesting to give and receive hugs. The mom said no to us all and kept walking while two of the other huggers found people that said yes. I let my sign fall to my side as I watched the next few moments unfold. I had seen a light in the mother's eye even as she said no and was curious if I would be privileged enough to witness a private moment in this very public event. Just as the pair walked past me, I noticed the mom look back at the others who were hugging, the corners of her mouth lifting in a slight smile. She lifted her left arm and gently placed it around the shoulder of her daughter while pulling her close in a loving squeeze, her forehead reaching over to kiss her daughter's forehead. Perhaps they are an affectionate family, perhaps the teenager's new found independence causes intimate moments like those to be less accessible. Either way, my heart burst with the love I felt emanating from the two as her daughter allowed for the moment to happen even as she kept on walking. To that I finally found myself saying, "so what?" So what if it's performative. So what if people think we were only doing it for the camera? So what if people thought we were only in it for us? So what if people think I am only in this for my own personal gain? The truth is I am. And also. I do it because it feels good. I do it because even if others don't engage with me, they may engage with someone else later. I do it because love should be shared. Often. All the time. I do it because of the smiles on people's faces whether they want to hug me or not. I do it because I know that I can't possibly know the ripple affect it is causing in the world. I do it because I want there to be more love in the world. I do it because I want more people to do it. I do it because I want more magical moments of connection. I do it because I love it.
4 Comments
Suzanne Nemec
5/17/2022 12:07:37 pm
Melinda,
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Melinda Lee Schmitt
5/23/2022 01:01:04 pm
Thank you for your kind words and encouragement Suzanne! You inspire me with your many book successes!! xoxo
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5/24/2022 04:53:43 pm
Melissa, I’m happy to hear that you had a good experience and some memorable moments. It was a pleasure having you join, and I loved the energy that you brought.
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5/25/2022 07:11:28 am
Hi Mark,
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AuthorMelinda Lee is a mom of two adolescent boys, a devout student of all things spiritual, a recovering perfectionist, and immensely fascinated with achieving the unachievable. Currently writing a memoir about hugging strangers. Archives
February 2023
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