Last week I watched a ballet performance at the Atlanta Botanical Gardens. Two women expressed a spoken poem through their movement. It was a history of the way creatives have spoken about "the muse".
"she is fleeting" "If I'm driving, I have to pull over and capture her immediately on paper." "she's like a breeze blowing through me, if I don't harness her, she exits as quickly as she came." It reminded me of the way Elizabeth Gilbert (author of Eat, Pray, Love) talks about inspiration. She describes it as something that doesn't often linger. It comes calling, but if you don't answer, it moves on to someone else. But, what if it could be different? What if I demanded something different? What if I set boundaries with the muse? Is that allowed? Would she still visit? Would she still want to impart her inspiration on me? If the end of the performance was any indication, I believe, yes. I can shout to the skies and yell, "No more! Stop visiting me while I'm driving! Stop calling me just before I fall asleep or wake me in the middle of the night." I can demand, "It's not about when it's convenient for you, but when it's convenient for me!" Of course, it's only when I make those demands that I see what's really happening here. Oh. That's the only time I'll listen? Oh. That's the only time I can hear you? Oh. That's the only time my brain is settled enough to allow you in? Oh. Maggie (my book coach) talks often about consistent writing habits. I get it now. It's about carving out time to write, yes, but it's also about carving out time that the muse knows I'm listening. It's promising her that I'm willing to receive her inspiration and following through on that promise. It's letting her know she can trust me when I say I want a relationship with her. Like all relationships, we need to learn and grow together. I'm still afraid I will fail her. Sometimes that fear overwhelms me and I want us to break up. The thing is, she might leave for a while, but she always comes back. I'd rather it be on my terms, at my desk in front of my computer than in the middle of the night disturbing the sleep I desperately need.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorMelinda Lee is a mom of two adolescent boys, a devout student of all things spiritual, a recovering perfectionist, and immensely fascinated with achieving the unachievable. Currently writing a memoir about hugging strangers. Archives
February 2023
Categories |