Staring down at my phone I tapped on the Home button on the maps app. Why isn't that called iMap? I have an iPhone, that makes sense. Instead I am stuck calling it the maps app. That just feels awkward. I digress.
Last Sunday I spent the day with my friend Amanda. After spending way too long away from my chihuahua, it was time to go. Too lazy to change out of my bathing suit and in to appropriate, more comfortable clothes, I was grateful that at least it was mostly dry after spending the day by her pool. Gathering up my belongings in the kitchen, I waited for her to return with a pen; the one she intended to use to write down the book I was recommending to her. Looking up I saw her striding toward me with her arm outstretched. "Do you want a pen?" She was carrying two but only one was stretched out toward me. "um, yeah. I could always use a pen." We carried on with our conversation as I told her all about how Brené Brown should be a required read for everyone but in the back of my mind I was still stuck on the pen that was now tucked away in my purse. "Amanda, why did you give me a pen?" She looked at me like that was the oddest question. "I was in the drawer, saw the extra pen and thought you might like one." It was the answer I unknowingly hoped for. When she handed me the pen I was overcome with gratitude and love. I felt cared for, appreciated and loved. I felt important and worthy. As these are emotions that I am still learning to be comfortable with - especially the worthy one - I felt compelled to find out if, in reality, she was just giving me the pen because she had too many and had been attempting to give them away to anyone she could find. She didn't. She wasn't. She just thought I might like it. To most people - and based on her reaction - her included, it was just a pen. To me, it was a life-giving affirmation of all the self-love work I have done over the past few years. It was a meaningful gesture of connection and belonging. It was a reminder of why she is in my life. It was a beautiful expression of love. To most people, it's just a pen.
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AuthorMelinda Lee is a mom of two adolescent boys, a devout student of all things spiritual, a recovering perfectionist, and immensely fascinated with achieving the unachievable. Currently writing a memoir about hugging strangers. Archives
February 2023
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