In a recent yoga flow class at my beloved studio, Haven Yoga, my right quadriceps were on fire. We were flowing through a yoga sequence involving the Warrior Two pose, Reverse Warrior, and Side-Angle pose all of which involve keeping your legs stationary with the front leg bent at a 90° angle. This particular flow is the reason I typically avoid flow yoga. Hell, I'll even take a power yoga class because I have yet to experience a power yoga where we hold our legs in that same position for longer than a few seconds. We are too busy moving and grooving and getting our sweat on.
But, in the yoga flow class it's different. I am fairly certain our legs are only stationary through that flow for no more than a minute - hell it could be no more than 30 seconds - but in that minute, I am convinced I will die. Or at least fall to the floor unable to ever move my legs again. Typically I allow the fire to burn for about 5 seconds before I straighten my front leg in a modified triangle pose before returning once again to the posture I am supposed to be in. If the instructor keeps the flow going for longer, I may flow in and out of that modified triangle a few times praying for it to be over. On this particular day as I felt the burn and prepared to ease out of the posture and straighten my leg, something inside me said, "Don't. Let's see what will happen if you stay." What? OMG - something's hijacked my brain. Shit. But, I listened. And, I stayed. Using my breath like we are taught in yoga, I breathed in the pain and breathed out the pain. There was only pain; burning, molten lava pain. My eyes welled up; not in pain - but in emotion. Before I had time to examine what the hell that was all about, it was over. We moved in to triangle pose and I got sweet relief. A warrior's smile lit my face the rest of the class. I did it. I conquered the burn. I knew that in that moment by choosing to stay I grew stronger in more ways than one. My writing practice has mirrored the way I practice yoga. When it burns too much and the pain is too great, I back out. I straighten my leg. I leave the pain. I don't want a good book. I want a great book. I know that in order to flow from good to great, I have to stay with the pain longer than I think I can stand. I have to feel the burn until perhaps the tears flow. It's beyond those tears that my greatest wisdom lies. It's how I build more strength to share the things that need to be shared in order to deliver the book that's been sitting on my heart waiting to be unearthed. Anything less is just an anecdote. I am not here to write an anecdote. I am here to change lives.
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AuthorMelinda Lee is a mom of two adolescent boys, a devout student of all things spiritual, a recovering perfectionist, and immensely fascinated with achieving the unachievable. Currently writing a memoir about hugging strangers. Archives
February 2023
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