I have spent a lifetime living as though the big moments were what made up my life. My focus was on my achievements, my legacy, how I will be remembered after I'm gone. A lot of my focus still is as I'm still climbing my way out of the craters my habits have forged in my brain.
In an effort to create new habits, I am placing overemphasized importance on the little moments. My son getting his driver's license? Not a little moment. That was huge and one I wasn't entirely prepared for. But, what was a little moment was the day less than one month earlier when I got pulled over for rolling through a stop sign in a neighborhood. My oldest (the one with the license now) was running late for his volunteer shift and in an attempt to avoid traffic, I traveled through the neighborhood rather than out on to the main road. I didn't see the police officer pulling up to the intersection until her lights were flashing in my rearview. I prayed for grace. Sure enough, she let me know she was letting me off with a warning. But, only because she was ticketing me for having an expired registration. My perfectionist self was flabbergasted. I couldn't understand how that happened and the old me (as in, the me from just last year) would have given a lengthy explanation as to how I never let things like that happen and it must be an error in the system. Instead, I thanked her for her grace and let the shame roll off my back. Sure enough, when I got home I found my registration reminder. I got the emissions but never paid for my registration. Over the next few days I got my emissions again (it had expired) and paid my registration not thinking anything of it other than this was something I needed to take care even though it was Christmas time and this along with the ticket was an unexpected expense I didn't want to spend Christmas money on. My registration came in the mail just before New Year's - two weeks before my oldest was scheduled to take his driver's test - with my car. It wasn't until I was gathering the necessary paperwork that the stunning turn of events dawned on me. Getting pulled over by the police woman was a divine intervention. If I hadn't gotten pulled over when I did, I wouldn't have my registration in time for Cooper's test. While it wouldn't have been ideal for him knowing he preferred to use my car, it wouldn't have kept him from taking the test - he could use his Dad's car. What it would have done is kept me from being with him during this pivotal moment. I wouldn't have felt the pride I felt as I watched him calm his nerves in his unique style before the test began. I wouldn't have felt the grief I felt as I watched him hold up his paper license for the picture above. I wouldn't have felt the expansiveness I felt as I recognized the additional freedoms this meant for both of us. If I had paid for my registration on time, I wouldn't be in awe of the way life is always working out for me, even when I make mistakes. I have spent time overemphasizing the importance of being pulled over by that police woman. Because without her, I would not be reveling in the wonder of the small moments. I wouldn't be climbing a little farther out of my well-worn path of habits that no longer serve me. I wouldn't be that much closer to the me I want to be.
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AuthorMelinda Lee is a mom of two adolescent boys, a devout student of all things spiritual, a recovering perfectionist, and immensely fascinated with achieving the unachievable. Currently writing a memoir about hugging strangers. Archives
February 2023
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