Why fit in when you were born to stand out?
Hmmm, because when I tried to stand out I was told I was too much, too needy, inappropriate, insensitive, odd, and lacking common sense. I was told "that's not the way the world works" leaving me to feel like I wouldn't be able to survive on my own because I don't understand the way the world works. I never did and I don't think I ever will because the world doesn't make sense to me. After trying to stand out and failing, I proved to myself that everyone else was right. I wasn't born for that. So, I tried desperately to fit in. I jumped from job to job trying to find the one that fit. I got married and had kids like I was supposed to. I took business classes for becoming an entrepreneur that seemed to work for everyone else but me. I felt most comfortable in my own skin when I was drinking so, a few drinks on the weekends with friends turned into looking forward to the weekend when it would be acceptable to have a few drinks to the weekend starting on Thursdays to at least one or two drinks every night. It was the only time I felt free from the incessant chatter of my brain that told me I was never going to fit in. I hugged strangers because I was so desperate to find connection and belonging; I assumed someone else must be feeling that way too. It was a way for me to give out the very thing I was looking to find. I did find connection and belonging, but it was amongst the other people I was hugging. It still eluded me. That is, until I began unpacking all of the things I learned on those hug journeys in the form of a memoir (and stopped drinking). My mind chatter had been so loud that I hadn't even noticed the biggest lessons I learned along the way. I always fit in. With myself. I always belonged. With myself. I discovered connection. With myself. The truth is, I live at the edges of humanity. I have my whole life. I don't do things the same as others. I don't think the same way as others. I don't understand life the way others do. It's a very lonely place to live. But, the more I reveal to myself - about myself, the more I know I was born to stand out. The world fucking needs me.
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AuthorMelinda Lee is a mom of two adolescent boys, a devout student of all things spiritual, a recovering perfectionist, and immensely fascinated with achieving the unachievable. Currently writing a memoir about hugging strangers. Archives
February 2023
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